Chemo #12 – Round 12

12 rounds! Done! Yes, it was an awful five days. As soon as I came back home I threw up the Gatorade that I was drinking and fell asleep for four hours. Like the times before everyday was a little better and as I’m writing this I feel pretty good. When I first started these treatments my goals were to not catch a cold or flu and to not lose any more weight. I did accomplish both of those. On my very first Chemo treatment I weighed 148lbs. and on my very last Chemo treatment I weighed 158lbs.

Of all the people that were coming and going for treatment I maybe seen one person that was a little younger than I was. Mostly all the patients were women and seemed like most of them had breast cancer. Sometimes when you arrive to get treatment it would be so packed that there would be no chairs left and you would have to wait. You really never realize how many people are going through this. People often asked me if it was depressing while receiving these Chemo treatments and really it wasn’t. There was about eight different nurses helping everyone out and they were all entertainers with smiles! The patients were really talkative, sleepy or kind of listening to people talk and tell their different stories. For me I would listen to my ipod or talk to Lorraine and my mom who went with me on every treatment. While receiving the treatment I couldn’t eat because just the thought of food made me sick. Each treatment lasted about three hours long. You could always tell when someone was a new Chemo patient. It was this mixture of confusion and scared, dazed look in the their face. I did sit next to a few of them and every time they would turn to me and start asking all sorts of questions about how I feel or when I started losing my hair. I always told them it’s not as bad as you would think. Which is true. When I was one of those confused patients I thought I would be in bed sick everyday and not able to function or go to work. The sickness didn’t really hit me until after my sixth treatment and after that it usually took me about five days to recover. In those five days I would mope around the house and try to sleep as much as I could to stop the nausea. The rest of the times I would become tired more easily and my bones would sometimes ache like just before you catch the flu. Also, I couldn’t have enough water to drink and I would crave veggies, beans and potatoes. Kind of weird.

Before all of this, I hardly ever got sick. I exercise regularly. I don’t smoke and before I was diagnosed I was in the best shape I have ever been. So, it is still shocking to me that I have been through this. Having cancer and going through Chemotherapy really brings up all sorts of feelings and emotions. Getting up in the morning and trying to fall asleep was very difficult. But I think the most difficult part of this for me was seeing Lorraine sad and sometimes upset. It was difficult to see my family and friends upset and watching people react when I told them I have cancer. It was difficult to let everyone help us out these last six months. I always have been the type of person to do things myself and not bother people with my problems. Even people that we really didn’t know were helping us out in there own way. From making us dinners, going with me for walks, donations and fundraisers. These last six months have been an amazing experience. I am very lucky to have had Hodgkin’s and not something worse. I am blessed to have such a wonderful wife that is so much stronger than I am. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and friends to support us along the way. Thank you so much!!

Since I am done with Chemo I think people think that I should be jumping up and down with excitement. I am excited but there’s that little thing in back of my mind what if it isn’t all gone and I’m getting excited for nothing. I know I need to believe and think about today and don’t worry what tomorrow might bring. The last body scan that I did in October had detected no cancer activity so it should still be the same. I still have to do a Catscan this week to give me my final clean bill of health. I will know the results next week.