One Year Later...

It has been one year ago today since I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s. Crazy! I remember it like it was yesterday. How I felt when the doctor told me what I had and when I told Lorraine and my family about it. I still get emotional thinking about it. I am now five months in remission and feeling normal as can be. It was like it never happened. I’m back to running, hiking and doing the things that I always have done even before the cancer. Like I said before it was like I was adrift at sea for six months almost like a dream. Hard to believe a year later I am healthier now than ever. I already had my first three-month checkup and I’m still good to go! I hadn’t been to the doctors since my Chemo days so the nurse’s and doctors were excited to see how healthy and hairy I looked. The doc says I was the first healthiest patient they seen in a while. I ended up taking out my Port in my chest at the end of February. They wouldn’t let me keep him. Now I have an inch size scar where they used to pump the chemo in my chest. Other than that you would never know I had cancer.

As most of you know during the chemo treatments Lorraine and I were still looking for a house to buy. On March 5^th we finally found one and it has been everything we wanted. So, this first half of the year has been the best yet! Like night and day compared to where we were at a year ago. Lately we have been extremely busy trying to organize our house and trying to get situated. After going through chemo and everything else that goes with having cancer I feel that I can accomplish anything. If something is not going the way it should be I always think back to when I was sick out of my mind and think this little thing is nothing compared to having cancer. It helps me in just about every situation. When I’m running and I feel like I want to stop because I’m tired. I’d rather be running and tired than go through cancer again. It boosts me up and I think that wasn’t bad at all.

Keep moving forward and never give up!

Back from the Sea...

I am officially in remission! My results from my latest PET scan didn’t detect any cancer. I am happier about this result because this PET scan is more accurate than the CAT scan I had in December. I had to wait a week for the results of the scan and as you can imagine it was a tough week. Thinking about what the results may be was an awful feeling. You try and stay positive but every moment of the day you think about it. I am going to have to do this every three months for the next two years and then every six months for the next five years after. I imagine this first scan was the toughest and it will all be routine from here on out. It was a tough road but Lorraine and I did get through it and now we can move on! Felt like I was out at sea for seven months and finally hit land! The Doc gave me the O.K. to take out my Port! So, I may take it out within the next month. Perhaps I can keep it in a jar or something. You know, for old times sake.

It has been two months this week since my last Chemo treatment and I’m feeling pretty good these days. I was able to get my first haircut in seven months and now I am able to comb my hair and my eyebrows are getting darker. I may let the beard grow for now. I been running and hiking more and started golfing again. I still do get kind of tired but not as bad and I can tell the tiredness is going away. It’s amazing how your body can recover and become stronger from such awful treatments. I hate to say it but I feel that the cancer took a piece of me. I don’t think I feel the same as before. I have different worries and stress that I didn’t before. I feel like I was more worry free before the cancer. Sometimes when I’m out and about I look around and think that most people don’t know how much your life can change so quickly. Talking to different people about my experience almost everyone always says, “If I get cancer I don’t know what I’d do?” Unless these things happen to you we really don’t realize that we will suck it up and focus on being healthy again. I tell them, “I know what you would do” you will deal with it and focus on being better because we want to survive. Sometimes I notice when people see me they look like there not sure to ask me how I'm feeling. Its like if they are not sure if I want to talk about it or not sure if they should bring it up. Please don't hesitate to ask me questions about my experience. I'm more than willing to share them and talk to you about them. Before I started the Chemo treatments a friend who went through the similar experience told me to keep doing the things you love, never give up hope and continue listening to the music you love.

at Priscilla (Lorraine sis) & Toms Wedding 2/6/10

Let’s get back to Livin’!

This last doctor’s visit was short and sweet. For once I didn’t have to do Chemo! The results of my last CAT scan came out great! The Doc says I am in remission and it didn’t detect anything. The reason I did a CAT scan and not a PET scan like the previous times before is because my insurance will only allow me to do a PET scan every three months. Since I did my last PET scan this last October I cant do another one until January. So, I will be doing another PET scan at the end of January. The PET scan is better at detecting the cancer and this should give me a more satisfying result. It’s kind of sad that Health insurance really dictates what the doctors can or cannot do.

After this next scan in January I will be going for checkups and scans every three months for the next two years. If the Hodgkin’s does come back it is most likely to come back within the first two years of remission. I will not have to do any more treatments and no more blood work every two weeks like I was doing. I feel like I have a fresh new start at life and can’t wait to start doing more things. With Chemo we really couldn’t plan anything and now I feel like we can move on with our lives. It was like our life was put on pause for these last six months and now it has restarted. Doc says it will take at least six months for the Chemo to wear off from my body. I will gradually feel better and my hair will grow back as the months go by. It is weird to try and get back to normal. Like going to dinner with friends was very exciting. Going to the record store and buying something for myself was an awesome feeling. You never know how much you miss these things and how normal they make you feel. I have been feeling tired by the end of the day and I been sleeping nicely. As for Rupert (my Mediport) it will really be up to me when I want to take it out. People can leave it in for years and live with it in case the cancer comes back. I’m not sure when I will take it out. I’m thinking I will wait a few months and see how these next scans come out. It only hurts when you press on it or rub against it and lay on it. It doesn’t look pretty but I can live with it for now.

I really believe I have beat this thing and Lorraine and I will live the life we dreamed of!

On a day that I would have had to do another round of Chemo we decided to go to Disneyland. Oh, it also happened to be my Birthday!

Hope everyone has a happy holiday!!

Chemo #12 – Round 12

12 rounds! Done! Yes, it was an awful five days. As soon as I came back home I threw up the Gatorade that I was drinking and fell asleep for four hours. Like the times before everyday was a little better and as I’m writing this I feel pretty good. When I first started these treatments my goals were to not catch a cold or flu and to not lose any more weight. I did accomplish both of those. On my very first Chemo treatment I weighed 148lbs. and on my very last Chemo treatment I weighed 158lbs.

Of all the people that were coming and going for treatment I maybe seen one person that was a little younger than I was. Mostly all the patients were women and seemed like most of them had breast cancer. Sometimes when you arrive to get treatment it would be so packed that there would be no chairs left and you would have to wait. You really never realize how many people are going through this. People often asked me if it was depressing while receiving these Chemo treatments and really it wasn’t. There was about eight different nurses helping everyone out and they were all entertainers with smiles! The patients were really talkative, sleepy or kind of listening to people talk and tell their different stories. For me I would listen to my ipod or talk to Lorraine and my mom who went with me on every treatment. While receiving the treatment I couldn’t eat because just the thought of food made me sick. Each treatment lasted about three hours long. You could always tell when someone was a new Chemo patient. It was this mixture of confusion and scared, dazed look in the their face. I did sit next to a few of them and every time they would turn to me and start asking all sorts of questions about how I feel or when I started losing my hair. I always told them it’s not as bad as you would think. Which is true. When I was one of those confused patients I thought I would be in bed sick everyday and not able to function or go to work. The sickness didn’t really hit me until after my sixth treatment and after that it usually took me about five days to recover. In those five days I would mope around the house and try to sleep as much as I could to stop the nausea. The rest of the times I would become tired more easily and my bones would sometimes ache like just before you catch the flu. Also, I couldn’t have enough water to drink and I would crave veggies, beans and potatoes. Kind of weird.

Before all of this, I hardly ever got sick. I exercise regularly. I don’t smoke and before I was diagnosed I was in the best shape I have ever been. So, it is still shocking to me that I have been through this. Having cancer and going through Chemotherapy really brings up all sorts of feelings and emotions. Getting up in the morning and trying to fall asleep was very difficult. But I think the most difficult part of this for me was seeing Lorraine sad and sometimes upset. It was difficult to see my family and friends upset and watching people react when I told them I have cancer. It was difficult to let everyone help us out these last six months. I always have been the type of person to do things myself and not bother people with my problems. Even people that we really didn’t know were helping us out in there own way. From making us dinners, going with me for walks, donations and fundraisers. These last six months have been an amazing experience. I am very lucky to have had Hodgkin’s and not something worse. I am blessed to have such a wonderful wife that is so much stronger than I am. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and friends to support us along the way. Thank you so much!!

Since I am done with Chemo I think people think that I should be jumping up and down with excitement. I am excited but there’s that little thing in back of my mind what if it isn’t all gone and I’m getting excited for nothing. I know I need to believe and think about today and don’t worry what tomorrow might bring. The last body scan that I did in October had detected no cancer activity so it should still be the same. I still have to do a Catscan this week to give me my final clean bill of health. I will know the results next week.

Chemo #11 – Round 11

This treatment was about the same as last time. Horrible! It’s kind of weird because the previous seven Chemo treatments didn’t feel as bad as these last five treatments. Things seem to be looking up as the end nears. I really do hope and pray this is the last time I’ll hear the word cancer. After this last treatment I still have to do another scan to give me the final clean bill of health.

I want to say thanks to everyone who has been supporting Lorraine and I through this whole mess. It would be even harder if we didn’t have all of you to send over those good vibes our way! I never want to wish cancer even on my worst enemy. It’s definitely the hardest thing we have ever been through. The final round of Chemo is finally here and I’m ready to win this thing!

I hope everyone had an awesome Turkey Day!

Chemo #10 – Round 10

My tenth treatment was the worst! Just when you think it can’t be any worse it does. It knocked me down for a good five days after the treatment. I threw up more than a few times over the course of the weekend and felt like I was out at sea with my rowboat. After about the sixth day I felt better and good enough to go for more frequent walks. It’s amazing how horrible you feel one week and the next week you feel like a million bucks.

The good news is my hair is starting to grow a little. My hair never really went away but it thinned out quite a bit and stopped growing. My hair is no longer falling out and it seams darker now. The other part of the good news is that the Doc says that since I am responding so well to the treatments that I will NOT be doing any kind of radiation. All I have to do is finish up these 12 treatments and I’ll be on my way. Of course I will have to do a PET scan to give the final o.k. I know this will be it!

My last two treatments will be on November 19^th and December 3^rd.

Chemo #9 – Round 9

The day before my ninth treatment I went for a walk by myself and as I began walking I just started running. It wasn’t much but being that I haven’t ran in five months it was very refreshing. It was an exciting feeling doing something besides walking. Lately when I go in for treatment that morning I always feel like I’m going to throw up. When I’m sitting in the waiting area I think about what I am going to feel like the next day and it makes me feel sick. It’s something that I will not get used to.

We received the PET scan results and they came back negative. Which means that the scan didn’t detect any cancer. The Doc says the treatments are working 100% but I will have to still complete my last three treatments of Chemotherapy. Although I am very excited about the results, I really wont be satisfied until I am completely done with all this nonsense. It is my goal to focus on these last three treatments and finish these 12 rounds like a champ.